


not because we want to

by CasualDanger



Category: Naruto
Genre: Gen, How Do I Tag, Late Night Conversations, Please have mercy, spoilers for the war arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-15
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25921324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CasualDanger/pseuds/CasualDanger
Summary: "there should be a word for the things we do not because we want to, but because we want to be the kind of person who wants to." -A Softer World #626Sasuke thinks he walks alone, but the path before him has been well tread with countless shinobi, turned on a dime from one belief to another by Naruto's boundless determination. No one knows that better than Gaara.
Relationships: Gaara & Uchiha Sasuke, Gaara & Uzumaki Naruto (mentioned)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	not because we want to

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so - my husband got me into Naruto: Shippuden. This is my first fic for this fandom, so please have mercy because I do NOT have the style down yet. I have turned on comment moderation just in case of getting flamed because of it, but please feel free to comment / tell me if you like it! I would love to talk to someone about my love for Gaara, who is not the POV character in this piece but it still the focal point in my heart. 
> 
> Also, no one tell my DC Comics WIP that I'm here.

He’s not as uncomfortable as he expects to be, bound and blinded as he is, but he supposes there is a reason a bird of prey is plunged into a similar claustrophobic darkness when a handler needs them to be calm. Sasuke supposes he is very similar to those predators, flying free and dangerous, and yet just as chained as a prey animal to their own instincts and territory and needs.

He conjures the image of a small raven in his mind only to purge it quickly after. There will be a whole lifetime of solitude to remember Itachi; that’s not something he needs to self-flagellate with on night one.

And it _is_ still night one – Sasuke may still be wiped from the events of the last week, month, _year,_ but he knows how to keep time even entirely in the dark. It must be the middle of the night now, and he can feel that the guard standing sentry outside is not the same shinobi who had been there before.

When he concentrates further, he can feel another presence, closer – inside the room with him. He focuses on them, tilting his head to listen for any breathing, wondering how he could have missed this subtle invasion. Surely, even without the use of his eyes, he should have been able to sus out another chakra presence in the opposite corner of the room. Then again, maybe it would always be the fate of an Uchiha to rely so heavily on his eyes that they become a blind spot. It’s no matter – they’ve occupied the same space long enough now that Sasuke knows exactly who this is.

“I thought you’d be long gone by now,” he says into the darkness.

“Officially,” a quiet voice answers him. He thinks of the threads that could come from that answer, the conversational high ground that Sasuke could snatch up, remarking on how quickly the villages have gone back to lying to each other, but that’s probably only a half-truth anyway; he has seen the deference Kakashi has been afforded first-hand, and by the way the guard hasn’t busted in at their voices, _someone_ is allowing this to happen, if not openly sanctioning it.

So, he doesn’t attack. Instead, he continues probing.

“Come to gloat?” Sasuke asks.

What feels like thousands of small ants come crawling up the outside of Sasuke’s straitjacket, and he jerks instinctively but cannot dislodge them as they slowly walk up his arms to his face. At their first dip under his blindfold, Sasuke stills, making sure to keep his eyes tightly shut. The blindfold is lifted to his forehead and laid there. He waits until the soft shirring sound against the floor is finished before cautiously opening his eyes.

Gaara’s pale eyes practically shine in the dark of the room, like the eyes of a big cat. Another predator.

“I don’t see anything to gloat about,” Gaara says.

Sasuke stares at the man before him. He hasn’t changed much over the years physically – he’s still small in stature, his muscle all lean and barely noticeable when he stands near his Anbu or any of the more physical shinobi. But there is something different about him that Sasuke notices now that he has been so _graciously_ afforded the time. Something is missing that was once there in their youth, or maybe an errant piece has finally slotted into place.

“Kazekage,” Sasuke drawls, making sure to emphasize the amusement and incredulity in his tone.

Gaara nods. “For some time now,” he says, though they both know Sasuke’s been aware since the moment of coronation. It’s not something one would ignore while working with Orochimaru.

“Gaara of the Desert,” Sasuke spits.

Gaara stares at him through his sea glass eyes. “Since birth,” he answers.

“And what the hell do you think you’re doing here, Gaara of the Desert,” Sasuke says, already sick of the game. He has an infinite number of nights to be alone and yet he wants desperately for Gaara to leave. It wasn’t that he feared him; for some inexplicable reason Sasuke knows that Gaara won’t kill him, but still he is uneasy. This is a mirror he is not yet ready for.

“You’ve seen the light,” Gaara says, and Sasuke hates that he remembers what the other man is talking about. So many have filled his head with words that Sasuke wishes he could expel it all, the talks of morality and fate. But all of it, their words and his responses, still rest within his mind, from his first introduction with Kakashi _(I’m going to restore my clan, and kill a certain someone)_ , to his conversation with Naruto, dripping in blood _(I accept it. I lost)_. Between these declarations is the voice of Suna’s devil protector, and his own cutting remarks right back – _My only goal is in the darkness._

At Sasuke’s continued silence, Gaara elaborates, “I am only here to say that I am happy you have opened your eyes.”

“You tried hard at the summit,” Sasuke says, “to make me see.”

“Yes.”

“But not for me,” he adds. “For Naruto.”

Gaara looks on blankly, as if it should have been obvious. “Yes. He is your friend, and cares about you very much. More than our entire world wished him to.”

There is some part of Sasuke – there will _always_ be some part of Sasuke – still cruel, yearning to lash out and hurt, in case that is the only mark on this world that he is capable of.

“He’ll never love you as much as you do him,” Sasuke says. Gaara’s face never wavers. Sasuke feels the shame of his words almost the moment that they die in the air around him, but he doesn’t let that show, mimicking the impassivity of the Kazekage.

“I know,” Gaara says. “And I would never ask him to. You and I are monsters, Sasuke. Even now, you have many people who care for you, but you can never ask for more after what you’ve done. They must all give it freely, as you are undeserving.”

A crack in his façade must give Sasuke’s surprise away.

“I don’t say it to hurt you,” Gaara adds. “I don’t wish the pain upon you, only the knowledge. Naruto may know your loss, and my demon, but you and I understand each other far better now. We know the consequences of living only for ourselves, of inflicting harm on the world for selfish reasons. You’ve done the right thing, turning back towards the light, but it will burn you forever. Do you understand?”

It is difficult for Sasuke, almost impossible, to detect any emotion in Gaara’s eyes. When they had both been child soldiers, rage had once churned there, but now he has become not empty, but calm. Gentle, even.

“I understand,” Sasuke says, trying to end the conversation before anyone joins them; he can feel the guard getting restless and knows this has gone on longer than anticipated. Gaara stares at him long enough for Sasuke’s frustration to bubble up, but then the Kazekage breaks his placidity with just the briefest hint of a smile.

“You will,” he responds. “If I have, then you will.”

It had felt so lonely in the moment; the death, the betrayal, the manipulation, but now his pain seems quite arbitrary and common when laid at the feet of the world in offering and compared to all the other children surviving through their own turmoil. He needed to only look across the battlefield to see example after example of those who had strength enough to rise above their own circumstances, or to carry those circumstances around their own necks like an albatross. A raven. It is a vantage point he is only now starting to reach, crawling out of the pit of his own vengeance. It seems that, even in this, he is not the first. Gaara standing before him proves that even after the totality of darkness, enlightenment is possible, even if Sasuke must root around for it himself.

Yes, he thinks he is beginning to understand.


End file.
